The "Review my Campaign" thread

13468932

Comments

  • HurstGM
    HurstGM
    Posts: 205
    As promised (Sorry its late as I have things like work im required to do so i can pay or ascended membership)
    "Edgerunners":http://www.obsidianportal.com/campaigns/edgerunners

    Home: Very slick and attention grabbing. I like the start and the explanation then it seems to jump to a breaking the 4th wall explanation. I'm not sure if that what you were going for its just not what I would do. I can see putting something like that on your credits, but from what i read it seemed like you were trying to recruit players perhaps that was your point.

    The other pages are well done and full of game information. I can see that being an easy resource for the players to look into the game fast and easy.
    The rest seem to be stubs and that's cool realize your still building the site.

    Overall very nice start the pages are clean and the pictures seem to fit very well with all of the text. The only thing i would consider changing is removing the hard crunchy information from your home page and another page meant to be more of a narrative. I would leave it in the pages like cyber ware or the eventual weapons pages as having it there makes the most sense.

    So there is my 2 cents but that and a buck ten will get you a dollar cheese burger.
  • Langy
    Langy
    Posts: 364 edited January 2012
    Thanks for the review.

    I'm not entirely sure what you mean about removing crunchy information from the home page - there isn't any rules text there, it's just an introduction to the setting. For the 'breaking the 4th wall explanation' bit, do you mean this paragraph here:

    "That
    Post edited by Langy on
  • HurstGM
    HurstGM
    Posts: 205
    Right im not saying that its bad just my suggestion.
  • nightstorm
    nightstorm
    Posts: 74
    PLEASE take a look at what I've done to my Changeling the Lost campaign. I've redone and added a lot to it and I need praise (or even snide remarks) sniff!

    [http://www.obsidianportal.com/campaigns/changeling-the-lost-dream]
  • GamingMegaverse
    GamingMegaverse
    Posts: 2,837
    Nightstorm's "Changeling- The Lost Dream":http://www.obsidianportal.com/campaigns/changeling-the-lost-dream

    Interesting concept and story! Is it yours? The banner is ok, but that is the only color on this page or the almost nonexistent wiki. The start page is entertaining, but long. There are numerous typos as well.
    It is a good start. I would make the start a summary, and move the story into the wiki as a story page. Good Luck!!
    killervp
    "A God...Rebuilt":http://www.obsidianportal.com/campaigns/a-god-rebuilt
    "Duskreign's First Ever COTM":http://www.obsidianportal.com/campaigns/wyrmshadow/wiki_pages/112011

    Just trying to help out.  Changed name from killervp to Gaming Megaverse to match other sites.

  • nightstorm
    nightstorm
    Posts: 74
    Thank you so much for the feed back. It keeps me going :)
    The story is my and what concept are you talking about? The setting is taking from the Nwod book Damnation City but in parts I've made it my own.
    The characters are all mine and the story is the game played by two groups.I'll try to clear up stuff later. The character pics and the Banner were done by me in photoshop.
  • HumAnnoyd
    HumAnnoyd
    Posts: 224 edited January 2012
    I took much of what Killervp suggested and revised my DFRPG site. "Emerald City":http://www.obsidianportal.com/campaigns/the-emerald-city

    I added lots of pictures for the Cauldron of Murder adventure to break up the text and changed the Wiki page as suggested adding buttons for the various items. Let me know what you guys think.

    Again the link didn't work. Grr.
    Post edited by HumAnnoyd on

    November 2012 CotM:  The Emerald City

    June 2016 CotM:  Star Wars: Rise of the Infinite Empire

    June 2020 CotM:  Mass Effect Accelerated

    Current Campaigns:  Dresden Files Accelerated:  Emerald City-Requiem 

  • GamingMegaverse
    GamingMegaverse
    Posts: 2,837
    "Link":http://www.obsidianportal.com/campaigns/the-emerald-city to Emerald City.
    killervp
    "A God...Rebuilt":http://www.obsidianportal.com/campaigns/a-god-rebuilt
    "Duskreign's First Ever COTM":http://www.obsidianportal.com/campaigns/wyrmshadow/wiki_pages/112011

    Just trying to help out.  Changed name from killervp to Gaming Megaverse to match other sites.

  • HumAnnoyd
    HumAnnoyd
    Posts: 224
    What are you doing that I am not? Cause it doesn't make sense.

    November 2012 CotM:  The Emerald City

    June 2016 CotM:  Star Wars: Rise of the Infinite Empire

    June 2020 CotM:  Mass Effect Accelerated

    Current Campaigns:  Dresden Files Accelerated:  Emerald City-Requiem 

  • GamingMegaverse
    GamingMegaverse
    Posts: 2,837
    When submitting your comments make sure the button below says Format comments as Textile.
    killervp
    "A God...Rebuilt":http://www.obsidianportal.com/campaigns/a-god-rebuilt
    "Duskreign's First Ever COTM":http://www.obsidianportal.com/campaigns/wyrmshadow/wiki_pages/112011

    Just trying to help out.  Changed name from killervp to Gaming Megaverse to match other sites.

  • HumAnnoyd
    HumAnnoyd
    Posts: 224
    Aha!! Thank you kind sir. I didn't realize that.

    November 2012 CotM:  The Emerald City

    June 2016 CotM:  Star Wars: Rise of the Infinite Empire

    June 2020 CotM:  Mass Effect Accelerated

    Current Campaigns:  Dresden Files Accelerated:  Emerald City-Requiem 

  • nightstorm
    nightstorm
    Posts: 74
    Both very good sites. I can see I need a theme to unite the pics would be nice. It seems so much to learn. Like how do you make borders around the page??
  • HumAnnoyd
    HumAnnoyd
    Posts: 224
    I would suggest checking out Wolfhound's Dallas site. It has some tutorials that really helped me out a lot. I had never coded a page in my life and those tutorials gave me a lot of ammunition for making my site better.

    November 2012 CotM:  The Emerald City

    June 2016 CotM:  Star Wars: Rise of the Infinite Empire

    June 2020 CotM:  Mass Effect Accelerated

    Current Campaigns:  Dresden Files Accelerated:  Emerald City-Requiem 

  • TheMazeController
    TheMazeController
    Posts: 115
    Rather than continue to battle with Grooveshark and everything else in the universe to try and get perfect updates up I am going to go with mostly good enough updates for now. I can tweak and fix them as I go. Now instead of being 2 weeks behind after this weekend I will only be a week behind as I get one other update up.

    Anyone want to have a look at "Bad Wrong Fun":http://www.obsidianportal.com/campaigns/bad-wrong-fun for me?
  • nightstorm
    nightstorm
    Posts: 74
    I like how you have the links to the side. I might do that myself.
  • Jayph
    Jayph
    Posts: 26
    Greeting all.
    I'd be interested to know what you think of my campaign "Guardians of the Frontier":http://www.obsidianportal.com/campaigns/guardians-of-the-frontier

    Much appreciated!
  • KenSee
    KenSee
    Posts: 93
    Jayph, I will take a look at it. Review to come soon...
  • Jayph
    Jayph
    Posts: 26
    KenSee, my thanks!
  • KenSee
    KenSee
    Posts: 93
    Review of Jayph's "Guardians of the Frontier":http://www.obsidianportal.com/campaigns/guardians-of-the-frontier

    Presentation: The home page has some cool images and the information presented is clean and clear. My only criticism is that it doesn't invoke a sense of immersion. (Which if that's your group's style then more power to ya.) It tells the reader that this is a game wiki and that it knows its a game wiki. Maybe you could move all the system information to a Rules sub-page? Just a suggestion.

    Information/Lore: Wow, just wow. Very deep world. Truly a fantasy world of epic proportions. Your main page is a wealth of information but it could also use some sprucing up. Maybe add some buttons and some categories, for example: Maybe have a "Locations" category, or an "Organizations" category, or "Misc." category etc... All in all though there is plenty of info for your players.

    Logs: I couldn't find any but I chalked that up to you not having played a session. We love logs!! That is why I visit another campaign site, is to see the logs. Get more up and then it will be awesome!

    Conclusion: All things considered this is a campaign with an abundance of information for players to play with. It also provides a really good idea of what kind of game your represent. I hope you have fun at the table and make some tales for the ages. Final score: 5/10

    Great Job!!
  • Jayph
    Jayph
    Posts: 26
    Not too shabby! Definitely some good points in there. The campaign is starting up this week so I'll make sure to include interesting and detailed logs as it progresses.
    Thanks again for the review!
  • GamingMegaverse
    GamingMegaverse
    Posts: 2,837
    Good review Kensee...Thanks!
    killervp
    "A God...Rebuilt":http://www.obsidianportal.com/campaigns/a-god-rebuilt
    "Duskreign's First Ever COTM":http://www.obsidianportal.com/campaigns/wyrmshadow/wiki_pages/112011

    Just trying to help out.  Changed name from killervp to Gaming Megaverse to match other sites.

  • bluesguy
    bluesguy
    Posts: 127
    Please review my campaign site "Valdorian Age - Rising Power on the Frontier":http://www.obsidianportal.com/campaigns/valdorian-age-rising-power-on-the-frontier

    Thank you
    David "bluesguy" Tannen
  • Beaumains
    Beaumains
    Posts: 132 edited February 2012
    Regarding "Valdorian":http://www.obsidianportal.com/campaigns/valdorian-age-rising-power-on-the-frontier

    I don't have too much to say about this one, which may be a good sign.

    First, the introduction (i.e. Home Page) and general structure is pretty well done, at least content-wise. I'm sure there are plenty here who will suggest adding images, backgrounds, and other visuals, which are always good, and which I would agree with, especially for important people, places, and featuers, such as the Witch Queen. The page layout is likewise well done, with important information readily and simply displayed. However, I would recommend simplifying the Main Page, if you can. In fact, you can kill two birds with one stone by grouping all of the major HERO System links under one sub-menu called "HERO System Rules" (or something like that), and noting any standard resources at that point. However you manage it, the Game System you're using needs to be clearly and prominently established.

    Second, the premise/setting is interesting, which is good, but a number of pages could use some more fleshing out, especially pages about cities, deities, characters, etc.

    Third, there's something missing; something big and it's hard to put a finger on it. Perhaps it is merely a lack of imagery, but maybe it's something more. It's difficult to get into the setting. Part of that is definitely the reliance on a system that I'm unfamiliar with, part of that is probably a lack of imagery, but there may be something else there.

    Lastly, I'd recommend re-organizing the basic rules page, as you quickly reference things that aren't adequately explained until much later.

    I really don't have much more to say beyond that. Interesting concept, pretty well put together, but could greatly benefit from imagery and fluidity.

    Hope this helps!
    -Beaumains
    Post edited by Beaumains on
  • bluesguy
    bluesguy
    Posts: 127
    Thank you for the review.

    So my take aways from your review are:
    1. Well laid out information. Easy to find things
    2. Need imagery - especially about important places, people and things. Any suggestions one where to get imagery (specific sites)?
    3. More details about places outside the main area
    4. Inform the 'reader' the place where everyone is mostly at is the city of Elweir
    5. Reorganize the Hero rules information
    6. Move from an Encyclopedia to more of a unified theme
  • Beaumains
    Beaumains
    Posts: 132
    You're welcome!

    In follow-up,

    1. Most definitely; excellent job!
    2. Yeah; if you want public-domain, or historic art, Wikipedia and Wikimedia have been very helpful to me (except that I'm rather picky). A popular site for modern artists, especially of fantasy & rpg-esque genres, is deviantart.com. But you could probably find imagery on sites like photobucket.com or even some art pages on Facebook.

    .
    .
    .

    6. Don't move "from" an encyclopedia; that's the root of your phenomenal organization; what's lacking is a certain, art of language; which is rather elusive to begin with, and much harder to balance with an encyclopedic format, but will catapult your site if you can pull it off well enough.
  • bluesguy
    bluesguy
    Posts: 127
    Well I have already engaged in adding the images. I found a great site for "DnD images":http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/arch/ag.

    I plan on keeping some of the basic layout but work in more of a theme to the whole site.
  • Alias
    Alias
    Posts: 10
    try Eralfast .. Codex Suda. - just yeah ... la la la.
  • HurstGM
    HurstGM
    Posts: 205
    So my job has kept me pretty busy the last 2 weeks and appears to be a continuing trend for the foreseeable future, but i have made a significant change to the writing on "The Broken Road":http://www.obsidianportal.com/campaigns/private-while-under-construction and I was hoping to get some feedback on it. The writing quality was the focus so if anyone has the time read the "old":http://www.obsidianportal.com/campaign/private-while-under-construction/wikis/blazing-vampires and the "new":http://www.obsidianportal.com/campaign/private-while-under-construction/wikis/race-against-time
    Basically im looking if the writing quality has improved and if so by how much and is there anything with the new that needs to be improved. Now i know there are pictures missing at the time i posted this and the pictures are coming soon.
  • Teleute
    Teleute
    Posts: 9 edited February 2012
    Good day everyone. I just finished my "first game":http://www.obsidianportal.com/campaigns/siddierun ran on OP, which was a lot of fun and OP definitly helped me keep things straight as a GM, and I was hoping I could get some feedback which I could apply in my "next":http://www.obsidianportal.com/campaigns/exalted-star-wars-the-old-republic and future games. Particularly since I am going to be a player next and will be getting XP for overseeing the OP wiki for the next game. :) I still have a few more adventure logs coming but other then that the first campaign is largely complete.
    Post edited by Teleute on
  • GamingMegaverse
    GamingMegaverse
    Posts: 2,837 edited February 2012
    Hurst-
    Night and day!! Much improved!! On an aside, please create a comments page or link, so people can comment without bypassing your system.

    Teleute-
    What exactly are you looking for- a review of "SiddieRun":http://www.obsidianportal.com/campaigns/siddierun or something else- not really clear to me.

    killervp
    "A God...Rebuilt":http://www.obsidianportal.com/campaigns/a-god-rebuilt
    "Duskreign's First Ever COTM":http://www.obsidianportal.com/campaigns/wyrmshadow/wiki_pages/112011
    Post edited by GamingMegaverse on

    Just trying to help out.  Changed name from killervp to Gaming Megaverse to match other sites.

Sign In or Register to comment.

August's Campaign of the Month, In Search of Hidden Dragons!

Read the feature post on the blog!
Or return to Obsidian Portal!

Howdy, Stranger!

It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!

Discussions