Letting down a potential player gently

Lxcharon

So I have a potential player who is a close friend of mine and she's said that she wants to play... but I absolutely do not want that. To explain, first she has stated multiple times before that she thinks tabletop roleplaying games are for dorks and losers, then when she saw that a bunch of her friends were interested in the campaign she changed her tune. Which I'm totally okay with, I've had a lot of people change their perceptions of tabletop games over the years.

My main issue is I know she will be disruptive and and not be able to play for long amounts of time. She won't want to play by the rules (and I love giving freedom to my players but I draw the line at lazer cats as weapons) and I know a couple of my other players won't jive well with her. (These are all things I love about her as a person, they just don't belong at the game table)

Am I being too pessimistic and should let her at the table or not? If I don't how can I tell her I'd rather not play with her.

ketherian

Wow.
Tough question.

When something similar came up at my table (ages ago), I carefully queried the players of the on-going game. I had them vote by ballot and tally the ballots for me. I wanted a single word answer waiting for me behind my GM screen when I returned. BTW I filled out a ballot too.

The answer came back "No". I had several reasons not to invite the person and, because of our friendship, several reasons to invite them.
But I was able to honestly answer "No" to the friend and asked that person not to press me for details because it was a group decision based on the mechanics of an on-going game.

Today I don't know if I'd do the same thing again. It worked then, but the conversation with the players in the game about this newcomer was definitely not pleasant. But the person who wanted in the game was not new to gaming. So my issues with that person, and your issues with your friend are different.

You could try running a small solo-campaign (or maybe with just one other willing person) with the intent of really seeing if your new player has changed and is curious to play. A few short adventures (convention style things designed to be finished in under 2 hours), or maybe some blue-booking between the two of you would give you a lot more answers than I can.

BTW - that person I didn't invite into my game. We've gamed together on and off throughout the years (before losing touch). Turns out some of my reasons for not inviting that person were unproven, while others were underlined. Brightly underlined. Talking about these differences made for a stronger friendship.

--
Ketherian
"Signs & Portends":swtwc.obsidianportal.com

Basileus

The tried and true excuse is that you've got enough players and adding more wouldn't be feasible. Or focus on her availability for those long sessions. Any way you go, just focus on why it's a limitation of the current gaming situation and under no circumstances make it personal.

Just maybe, if you can't dodge it gracefully, invite her to observe a session before joining - she might decide it's not for her if the group dynamic doesn't match her tastes, or more positively it might adjust her expectations and behavior going in.

My two bits...

GamingMegaverse

We do a 3 game trial. The players vote (I don't get a vote, but I do voice my opinion ) and the player is then in or out. The vote must be unananimous. The potential player knows this going in.
It has worked great for us, and only once did a player not qualify.

cgregory

Whenever we have a new player I always run a one off adventure, that way nobody has to worry any new player souring the current campaign. Either the player fits in, or doesn't. I let all potential players know it needs to be a unanimous decision to add the person.

The most common excuse I give (when I care about their feelings) is adding an Xth player just slows down the game too much that people aren't really enjoying it.

NikMak

I think the trail game with only one or two other players is a great suggestion if you have the timeand interest to run an extra game. Try picking game that suits her anarchic mind set (paranoia maybe?)

If you don't have time, and have a stable game group not needing new players... Sometimes in life a straightforward no is the best solution

Lxcharon

Thank you everyone for your suggestions. Actually now that you guys mention it, if I run a trial game with her I think it may deter her from wanting to play. Or it may prove to me that she can join the group. though at the end of the day i should man up and just tell her. haha

Kallak

Not sure if it's too late to chime in on this one or not, but my group has a potential candidate come to a session and observe only the first time out. This gives the person wanting to join a chance to see what the group is like, how a typical game session goes, etc.. Meanwhile it gives the group a chance to see how the person behaves in the setting and lets them get input from the person to formulate their opinion. Generally the situation sort of resolves itself naturally from there. Either the person is a fit or they aren't.